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Dating a cam model

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To be perfectly fair, I haven't had a serious boyfriend since I started dancing, so I'm unsure how it will go if I ever get past the casual dating phase.

I haven't had to deal with any serious jealousy yet. Hopefully, with the guy I'm seeing now, that will continue, and I think him knowing about it right from the start will help him not be as jealous later on.

Good luck with your dating! And don't pay attention to people accusing you of being an "attention whore" or being after a man's money.

You're probably making enough money yourself you don't NEED a man for his money! You're working hard and supporting yourself, so be proud. I've worked as an escort for a few years now and still don't have the answer.

I've told men at all points in a relationship from the first date to years after I started An old FWB , some people took it well and other verbally slapped me over it.

There is so much judgement and stigma surrounding sex workers in any part of the industry whether it's porn, camming, escorting, massage or stripping.

I do have a policy now that all of my friends and family know because I hated lying to them the most, if people can't accept me for me then I genuinely don't want them in my life.

But as for dating, something that worked the best for me was to put feelers out during conversations to see where people stood on these topics and jobs.

If someone tells me they think strippers are the dirtiest people in the world then I certainly am not going to share my work and will likely start putting some distance in as well.

You cannot be mad at anyone who is not okay with what you do and doesn't want to date you. You are not owed a relationship from anyone.

If it is a deal breaker to them then it is a deal breaker, you move onto the next person. I think even if you wait to get into a relationship until after you stop camming, you may want to mention it.

Keep in mind any of the men you are camming for can record those videos, screen cap it and put it on the internet. Your new SO could stumble on those at any point and I know I would be a lot less pissed off if I heard it from my SO first instead of dating for a while and having one of my bros say "Saw your girlfriend finger blasting herself on a porn website the other day.

Own it. It is now a part of your life. Anyone who does not approve will not be a good fit, but lying about it only hurts both of you. Guy here.

Just be honest. It won't matter much one way or the other. Or it wouldn't to me. Make a joke out of it.

My girlfriend of 6 months told me she was a cam girl just a few months before we met on our first date explaining why she did it and we both had a good laugh over the amount of money she made in a very short amount of time.

Bottom line is be honest not for his sake but yours, you don't want to find out down the road that he is the type of guy to hate you for it or be spiteful.

If he truly likes you he will be understanding and supportive My suggestion would be to work it into the first date somewhere in the middle, not the first thing you say but the thing you talk about when you start talking about the awkward things you have both done in the past.

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing, even if you choose to make a living doing it. However, because you have clearly said the job is a situational thing I would think any guy to think worse of you for doing what you need to just to survive is an asshole.

My girlfriend did it so that she could afford college. She owes her post secondary education to turning on guys that go to those websites, and I'm perfectly okay with her having done so.

I'm the only guy that gets to physically touch her, be with her What more could I want or need? I don't care if other guys have seen her naked because again, I'm the only one that actually gets to enjoy that in person.

Alright, I'm with you that it's the guys decision what is and isn't okay for him. Some people would be fine with it, and some wouldn't, which is just a personal choice.

I can completely agree that it's okay for a man to say "no, I can't have that in my relationship", and choose to not date her for it.

Where I feel you went horrifically wrong was "Not to mention the fear of her being an attention whore, only looking for a money man".

What you are talking about is referred to as a "sugar daddy", which a woman can easily get without having to pretend that it's a relationship.

You can literally advertise that you will go on dates, come to public events, or whatever else for money with no relationship attached. People can get paid quite a lot for that.

There is no need to pretend a relationship is something when they just want money. Also, cam girls generally keep their camming private which is another reason dating is hard for them , so it usually has nothing to do with wanting attention.

Letting men know that, or anyone know that, and giving up other information could greatly affect her entire life and even get safety depending on the guys she deals with on the sites and how obsessed they become with her.

Some men become very attached to certain cam girls. So I would say you're idea that she would be an attention whore is terribly off.

Honestly, most girls tend to become more and more shut in to keep from getting notice or recognized. Are you denying that cam models receive an abnormally large amount of male sexual attention?

If you're not denying that, it's obvious that people who like attention a lot would be drawn to things that involve them getting a lot of attention.

Are you denying that cam models have increased access to men willing to pay them for sexual or romantic favors? If you're not denying that, it's obvious that people looking for money in exchange for sexual or romantic favors would be drawn to it.

There's really nothing objectively wrong with Diesel's concerns, even if he voiced them a bit crudely. No, I am not denying that cam models recieve a large abnormally is not the right word, as people get different amounts of attention every day just for being attractive amount of sexual attention ONLINE.

You are assuming that all cam models do it because they like attention, and NOT because sometimes it is the easiest way to make a lot of money.

I am sure that there are girls and guys.. It is a crazy easy way to get money, and if you're in a bad situation it can be a life saver. It doesn't have to do with attention, and as I said earlier usually they try to avoid attention and getting noticed in person for safety reasons.

I am also not denying that cam models have an increased access to men willing to pay them for sexual or romantic favors. It is, however, NOT obvious that people looking for money in exchange for sexual or romantic favors would be drawn to it.

By doing this job they are not giving men sexual or romantic favors, unless you are in the belief that they can do that through the computer screen.

There are many many MANY jobs that a person can do that would involve getting money in exchange for giving someone romantic or sexual favors, and camming is not one of them.

They would NOT meet any of the people that they are camming for in person, as it is very unsafe to do so. They do not give out any personal information, and have no contact outside of their shows online with these guys.

If they wanted to do something for sexual or romantic favors they would need a different job. Generally, cam models do the job because it is anonymous and even though it is sexual it is very disconnected from the people who are paying you.

In the two points that you tried to make unless I'm understanding it wrong, which I very well may be! They do not go out in public stripping, they don't do any sexual or romantic favors for people in person, and everything happening is done with a computer screen and webcam.

The only reason I've ever thought of being a cam model myself is because it is easy freaking money. It's not an attention thing or anything other than that, it's fast money.

If you had an option to just take off your clothes on camera for a ton of money wouldn't you at least entertain the idea? As a woman my fears would be similar to OP's - not wanting to lie because that's shitty but not wanting men to also think I'm a fuck and chuck just because of what I do for money.

If there was less stigma around it I bet a lot more women would do it just because of monetary reasons and nothing else. Personally for me it would be pretty easy to compartmentalize between work and a relationship.

None of that refutes anything I said, though. Yes, it's easy money, but it's easy money in exchange for sexuality. It's fair for potential romantic partners to be worried that you will take opportunities to trade sexuality for money re: sugar daddy in the future.

YOU may not be interested in it for attention, but it does come with a lot of attention. It's fair for potential significant others to be worried that that kind of sexual attention is very important to you, and that you'll find ways to get it, camming or not.

Sometimes, stigmas are in place for solid reasons. There are stigmas against dating heroin addicts, because you run an increased risk of waking up with half your stuff at the pawn shop.

Ultimately, what you do is your call; but what criteria other people judge you on is not your call, and sometimes the only answer is to accept the correlative judgement, or change the criteria that put you into that correlative position.

You are more than welcome to your opinion, and people will ALWAYS judge things based off whatever they feel is accurate for them to do so.

That's life, and it's a lot easier to just accept that people will have those opinions than to fight with it. It is very very clear that you have this opinion against cam models, which is completely your thing, but I'm mainly just posting this for others who may not completely have their opinions stuck in place with no chance of change!

No, none of what you have said is fair. But it's not fair to assume that a cam model will try to get money from doing sexual favors for me.

It is also not fair for them to be worried about the sexual attention the girls and guys get from camming is important to them and that they will do anything to get it.

You compared camming to heroin addicts, which if you see it as an addiction which in those two statements it sounds like you do than that would be -to you- and extremely fair comparison.

To other people who are fully aware that camming is NOT an addiction it is simply a job. It does not go leaking out into their real lives and relationships, and make it so that these people are any more likely to accept money for sexual acts.

It does not make them any more likely to do anything they possibly can to get attention from others. In fact, it doesn't even have to flow through to different parts of their computer!

Some people can just shut down their site, and then go about using the internet for simply enjoying the internet without looking for men to pay them to do things.

I understand that you are allowed your opinion, but I think you see cam models as something that they simply aren't.

They are not addicted to their jobs, they don't suddenly become addicted to the attention and getting money from money because they have that job, and I'm not sure how you jump to that conclusion.

Actually, if you could explain in some detail how you do think that works, I think that would be helpful! Could you explain why you think that it would pour out into their own personal lives, and that they would go from working online to suddenly doing all of these things in person?

Most people I've talked to or read about in the industry, be it cam girls, strippers, porn, or prostitutes really don't do it for sexual excitement.

The stigmas against sex workers seem to not to be truly grounded in the reality of the work. Many people in the sex industry just see it as work and unrelated but I think that better protective laws need to be in place to prevent human trafficking and the very scary side of the sex industry.

Any professionals who stay in the game don't see it as anything more than that. I'm not saying everyone has to be okay with it, but there is a little bit of hypocrisy behind people who will consume porn and related material but the people in it are just not worthy of being in a relationship with them.

That's about as rough as refusing to date someone who works somewhere you've shopped before. It's just weird to me. But I digress. Long story short, people in porn and related industries are usually capable of forming strong relationships indeed, it requires more trust than a typical monogamous relationship.

It's not for everyone, clearly, but it's not usually as bad of a sign as people make it out to be. If a person is willing to communicate clearly about it and boundaries can be set then obviously the relationship can be handled like adults.

The real red flag is hiding it for too long or talking about it too soon hiding it is dishonest and blabbing first thing sounds like attention getting.

No real problems with the rest of your post. I agree with your suggestions to bring it up after the first date or two.

If you don't want it to define you, it shouldn't be their first impression; but hiding something that guys know you know might bother them, would be seen as sexually deceptive.

And a lot of decent guys that have been messed around on before would take you right off the list for that. I'm terrible with semantics, what I say and what I mean are usually wrong, hence the confusion between attraction and attention.

I also only ever seem to visit reddit at 3 am when I am exhausted. I avoid people who dont speak more than one language, like if I know they dont, I have absolutely no interest in them.

That is not to say that they could not be a good partner, but on the cost-benefit ratio of chance of me still being interested in her is not worth it for me.

Also, there is a difference in pure attitude. If she is willing to use her body for money, some men dont like that.

They see it as an emotional thing, yeah sure a lot of guys watch porn but lets be honest here, exclusivity is a big deal for a lot of guys.

It is the commodification of something that they might consider special more than anything, sure maybe his fears about attention whoring period are a bad idea, but his general sentiments are still not misplaced.

Which if you read what I wrote I had agreed with him on the part that you just talked about. I understand people don't always want to date others based on things like that, which is completely okay.

I was only disagreeing with his second part which involved making assumptions about a persons desires from other people, or whether or not they are an attention whore, simply based off a job that they could be completely unattached to.

I mean, it's not like I have a problem with it as a career, I just wouldn't want to date a cam girl. Dude implied that sex workers have some inherent personality flaws though.

You might not have a problem with it as a career but he apparently does. And that's completely unhelpful when someone is looking for advice, to make that kind of slight.

I would call him something much worse than "prude" he got off easy with that. Well the second line of his comment was edited in after I posted mine, so it's not really applicable.

I don't understand why you're being down voted. There are plenty of open-minded guys who don't mind when a woman has agency over her own life and body.

Shocking, I know. Yes, but those guys probably aren't the norm. Again, there's nothing wrong with the profession. In fact, I would and have in the past have no problem with dating a former cam girl, but I think you're terribly misguided if you believe that most men wouldn't take issue with their girlfriend performing sex acts for other men in exchange for money while they're currently in a relationship.

I'm sure there are guys out there that will be fine with it, but you're not helping OP by pretending it's not going to be a big deal to a lot of people.

Because this is twox where men discuss and pass judgement on women's issues. Be honest up front. If others feel that you feel that what you doing for work is shameful the they will be more inclined to judge you and push you away.

Be forthcoming and own what you do. If they judge you for it then you don't need them in your life anyways.

I have a roommate who I suspect does this for a living, and I don't think there's any reason she needs to tell me about it.

I would feel the same way if we went on 3 dates. Your business is your own. Tell people you're "between things" right now and have a bit of savings.

When you clarify later, you weren't really lying-- you don't intend to keep the job forever, so you really are between things. Home Explore. Successfully reported this slideshow.

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